Cuz hugs are overrated just FYI

Joe at the time I jumped on the JoBro train. 

I used to tie my entire identity with  a band. In middle school, I wore my Jonas Brothers t-shirt every Friday like a badge of honor. I would post stupid Facebook updates, make posters to hang up on my walls, I even spent the majority of my free time writing thinly veiled Mary-Sue fan fiction about dating Joe Jonas.

And me at the time, a real dweeb. 

The day I fell in love with Joe Jonas (and the other two, mostly because I sort of had to) is still one of the best memories I'll ever keep. I remember the moment he walked out on stage and I felt my insides burst into a white hot flame at this ridiculous 18 year old boy. 

That was nine years ago, which has me feeling all sorts of weird feelings. I have this tendency to compare myself and the stages I'm in within my life to where Joe was when he was my age. It makes my head spin to think about my 13-year-old self idolizing a 20-year-old dude and thinking he was a full fledged grown up. He was a pop star at 18 while I was an obsessive high school newspaper editor. When he was 20, he was working on his not so great solo album. I'm drowning in stats homework.

October always makes me wax nostalgic about life when I was a weird little dweeb whose biggest concern was making it home from school in time to catch the boys on Ellen.

I'm still a dweeb. Just less obvious.

Growing up is weird, but it's been strange comforting to grow up alongside a band that still holds a special place in my heart. My celebrity crush has also been an older brother to me. He has no clue who I am, but we've grown up together. He was there for me every good time and every bad one. I don't know the "real" him, but his persona has always been so open and honest that I feel like I do. When girlfriends broke his heart, I felt for him. When boys broke mine his music was there as a comfort. It's a beautiful thing that I will always been so grateful for.

This guy's still a dweeb too. I swear.

I look back fondly on all the nerdy things I did. Fanfiction gave me a community and gave me the confidence to pursue writing. I decorated posters and created an identity for myself during a time when identity feels so crucial. I'll listen to those Jonas Brothers albums when I need a good dose of nostalgia or a good laugh.

Even now, I support Joe's new stuff. DNCE is a great band and every time I hear them on the radio my heart swells up with pride. I'm hearing him be himself for the first time in 10 years of fame and I feel like maybe someday I'll find my niche like he has. I guess I'll have to compare myself at 27 to where he is now when the time comes.

True love never dies. It's been an honor growing up with you dude.