Why do you write like you need it to survive?

It's been a crazy six months of new and overwhelming but also really wonderful experiences. I'm just finishing up my first semester of college, which is insane to think about. My life was so different the last time I actually posted on this thing. I was reading every day and I was home and it seemed like I had everything I'd ever need. And then I moved up for school.

College has been a great challenge. It's been really fun for me to bend and change in an attempt to give my professors what they want. I've sort of found routine in the chaos. At home, I had a schedule. Here, I have to treat every day like an entirely new beast. It's been hard, but doable. My roommates and friends are absolutely amazing. I live with some of the loveliest, most intelligent girls in the world. We stay up into the wee hours of the morning talking about complete nonsense. Earlier this week we made a Christmas breakfast for all of our friends and did Secret Santa. Every gift was thoughtful and sweet and I've never been more proud to know all of these crazy people.

It's different than I thought it would be. I'm different than I thought I would be. When I pictured myself in college, I saw a lot of long nights alone in the library with my homework. Instead, I have a living room full of loud people all working on different assignments and projects. There's laughing and crying, and usually dissolves into silly dance moves or stupid human tricks by the end of the night. My roommate Emma can do the worm with such furious passion that it is honestly inspiring. My other roommate Eliza and I sing Hamilton lyrics at each other without missing a beat.Parker will be stressing over a paper, and Hannah will be in the corner, attempting to kick Math 1010 in the ass.Anna is usually asleep on the couch, or nonsense dancing with me.  I never pictured myself surrounded by a group of people that fit together and clash in such bizarre ways. In high school I wasn't very social, that was by choice. But here I'm all over the place, surrounded by people who I love in way I didn't think were possible.

In high school I grew into the person I always wanted to be. In college, I've quickly grown out of that person and I'm unrecognizable. I'm kind of lost, but that's okay. I'll figure out who I'm turning into eventually. For now, I'm just trying to accept all of this change and not let myself get overwhelmed or lost. Next semester will bring a whole new set of challenges and wonderful memories. Who knows what's coming next?

Emma at her finest.

Ps. I turned 19 last week,which was wild. It was celebrated with a dinner and a beautiful cake with Hailey Ann, a movie night with roommates and other friends, and a very late breakfast. Let's see what this new year of adulthood brings. Never in my life did I see myself as the person I've become over the last year. I'm pretty sure it's all good things, but you never really know. I ran a newspaper, read 36 books, moved away from home, got into the Honors program, and made a huge new group of friends.

So far, I've been trying to deal with a life that I never really pictured myself having, but couldn't really see it any other way now that I have it. 

Beauty Queens

Fresh, fierce, and fabulously funny. That's really the only way to describe Libba Bray's satire of modern pop culture and gender roles, "Beauty Queens".  The 50 contestants of the Miss Teen Dream pageant crash on a desert island, where the girls fight for survival and learn about themselves free of pressures society has placed on them. It's equal parts eye opening and utterly ridiculous. Miss New Mexico spends the entire book with an airline tray stuck in her forehead. There is an evil dictator named Mo Mo Cha Cha. There are bodacious pirates. But underneath the jokes, there is a beautiful heart to this story. I love that every kind of girl is represented here. "Beauty Queens" is modern day feminism at its finest. We have the punk rock bassist/journalist, a Toddlers &Tiaras-esque Miss Texas, a young black girl struggling with white beauty standards, and so many more than are just too good to spoil. These girls start out as competitors, but soon grow to understand each other and themselves better. I can guarantee that you'll see yourself within one of these girls as they come of age, and kick some serious ass in the process.

Bray's wit is biting and brazen. She took what you'd expect from a novel about beauty queens and smashed it into the ground so hard I'm still reeling. Her take on pop culture is fearless and honest. The book is broken up with "commercial breaks" sponsored by The Corporation. There is so much going on here and it's wacky and wonderful. I'm putting this one on my favorite's shelf, without a doubt. Writing a funny book is hard. Writing something so hilarious with a deeply meaningful and beauty message is even harder. 

Seriously, you have to read this. I cannot stress it enough. There is explosive hair remover. A stuffed lemur named General Good Times. It's going to make you laugh until you cry, and fill your heart up with enough girl power and awesomeness to make you soar. 

Girl Power Comics for Everyone

These past few weeks, Noelle Stevenson has blown up. From her graphic novel "Nimona" to the ultimate girl power comic book "Lumberjanes", it seems every project she touches turns to gold. Below are my reviews for those two fantastic books. 

Whimsical, magical, laugh out loud funny, and characters that will tug at your heart strings. Noelle Stevenson's graphic novel "Nimona" has it all. Based on her webcomic of the same name, the book follows the adventures of Nimona, shape shifting sidekick to evil villain Ballister Blackheart. Together, they go on adventures to defeat their corrupt government and Blackheart's archenemy, Sir Goldenloin. It's so much fun. There's no other way I can really describe it. Nimona's childishness mixed with her murderess tendencies make for a great dynamic between her and the not-as-evil-as-he-claims Blackheart. The illustrations are a gorgeous explosion of color, vibrant scenery, and characters. Nimona's world is a high fantasy/science fiction kingdom that also includes the comforts of everyday life. (ex: ordering pizza) I think character depth is hard to create in some graphic novels because it's a more visual medium. I was surprised art just how deep "Nimona" went. She has a "sob story" but Blackheart and Goldenloin have an intense, complex history that slowly unfolds along with the story. It made my heart soar! 

"Lumberjanes" on the other hand is an adorable comic book series about a colorful group of Lumberjane scouts and their adventures at Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet's Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, solving mysteries and getting into loads of trouble with their high strung camp counselor. Stevenson wrote the comics with a bunch of other kick butt women. (Grace Ellis, Brooke Allen, and Shannon Watters) and their project is just bursting with energy, humor, and adventure. I think girls and boys of all ages will adore these comics. They have a great message about friendship and curiousity that make the reader feel good. The Lumberjanes are a diverse group of girls, from math expert Jo, to the always excited Ripley, there's just about every "hardcore lady type" under the sun.

 "Nimona" will be the most fun for teens and adults, while "Lumberjanes" is fun for all ages. Seriously, go check these out. They're short, hilarious, and brimming with life. FRIENDSHIP TO THE MAX!

A Stroll Through the Library

Age 9.  I stayed up until 3 finishing Maniac McGee

My fingers dance across a beat up copy of Deb Caletti's "Honey Baby, Sweetheart" and I smile to myself. It reminds me of sweaty hikes to the library during the summer before 9th grade. I place it back on the shelf, wondering just how many other girls have checked out this very same copy and found something meaningful inside. Farther down the aisle is "Secrets of Truth and Beauty" by Megan Frazer, a strange book from the summer after I turned 13 and graduated from middle grade to YA. I add two new books to my bag, head to the circulation desk, and pull out my ten year old ticket to new worlds. My library card that I got the summer before 4th grade at a library that has since been destroyed and rebuilt, bearing no resemblance to its original building. .Still, my library card remains the same. My shaky 3rd grade cursive is my signature on the back, I remember signing it and thinking about the episode from the TV show Arthur where they sing "Having fun isn't hard when you have a library card!" I felt powerful and grown up. I was responsible for my own books, my own adventures. 

Vacation, age 13 during a sci-fi phase.

It's strange to sit on the library floor and get so nostalgic, but I can't help it. I've spent the past seven summers hiking up the same sweltering hot hill in order to get to the library and fill my backpack up with as many books as I could carry. The library has been as synonymous to summer for me as ice cream and the beach. Leaving for college is hard, especially since I've never lived anywhere else. I feel like I'm saying goodbye to all those summers full of books that shaped me into the person I am today. Those sweaty hikes with my bag stuffed to capacity are some of the best memories I have of my childhood. 

I love my library because I know that all those books I checked out have been checked out by other people. People who loved them, hated them, found themselves within them just like I did. All these people who don't know each other are connected by the same book that always returns home to its place on the shelf. Somebody else has a story about a book I've read. That's magic. 

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Two boys grow up and into themselves in the stunning, multi-award winning novel "Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe" by Benjamin Alire Saenz. The year is 1987. Aristotle "Ari" Mendoza is angry. His older brother is in prison, treated like an unspeakable secret by his mother and father. His father is full of silent pain, a ghost in their house full of post traumatic stress from the Vietnam War. On a summer afternoon at the pool, he meets Dante Quintana, a boy like nobody else he's ever known before. Dante is sensitive, an artist. He cries about dead birds and kisses his father on the cheek when he comes home. He struggles with his Mexican identity while Ari thrives in it. Over the course of a year that includes swimming, accidents, letters, and self discovery, the novel follows Dante and Ari's leap from childhood into adulthood and what it means for their relationship as it becomes more frightening and complex for the both of them. (Especially Ari.) 

"Secrets of the Universe" is written in very simple and sparse prose that allows the reader to fill in the blanks. So many conversations are full of powerful, heartbreaking subtext. Saenz is a master of showing, not telling in such unique, lyrical prose. I couldn't put it down. I loved that the story was about so much more than just Dante and Ari's relationship. It was about Ari's relationship with his father, his mother, and his older brother. Each relationship is explored fully and individually. Ari's anger is real and three dimensional. Even though his denial is frustrating at times, it's honest and understandable. When you put yourself in his shoes, you can see why he is so afraid of himself. Dante's ease with who he is is a lovely contrast to Ari's fear. He knows who he is, and he;s accepted it, but that acceptance causes him a different kind of pain. 

This gorgeous book is a wonderful example of why diversity is so important in YA literature. Here we have a beautiful, romantic story about two Mexican-American boys dealing with their sexuality in 1987 El Paso, Texas. It's relatable and beautiful. Discover the universe with Aristotle and Dante. You might just find all the answers in the hands of the one you love. 

Book Review Bundle

This summer I've had more time to read than I ever expected! Instead of doing individual posts for all the four books I read this week, they're all going here. I'll try to write better longer reviews as I finish instead of procrastinating. 

"Love Letters to the Dead" by Ava Dellaira

Unfortunately, this first bunch of books were all very meh. "Love Letters" was the best of the bunch, though. In it, high school freshman Laurel writes letters to dead famous people such as Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Judy Garland, etc. In these letters, she describes her friends, her relationships, and the guilt she feels surrounding her older sisters death. The entire book is very similar to "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" in both style and content, but comes nowhere near it in power. It was a lovely exploration of sisterhood though, something I rarely see in books. Most YA protagonists are only children or their siblings play small, plot driving roles. They're not fully fleshed out characters like they are in this story. "Love Letters" explored the way little sisters idolize big ones no matter how much they actually deserve it. I also enjoyed Laurel's character development. Over the school year she learns to come to terms with her grief, her past, and move forward to a better future.

"In Real Life" by Cory Doctorow

I'm not a "gamer girl",  but I really enjoyed this little graphic novel. (My very first ever!) This cute little book tells the story of Anda and her adventures on her favorite multi-player role playing game when she stumbles across a way to make money and play. Along the way she befriends a boy from China whose job is to sell magical objects illegally in the game, But the line between right and wrong becomes fuzzy when she sees how much it's affecting this boy and his co-workers. Full of bright, lovely illustrations, girl power, and a look into socio-ecomonics, "In Real Life" was so much better than I even expected. It was my favorite of this bunch even though it only took about 40 minutes to read. I can't wait to read more graphic novel and explore different genres. You'll never know what you'll find!

"The Good Sister" by Jamie Kain

I wanted to love this book so badly. The writing is absolutely gorgeous, but the plot was just too muddled with drama worthy of a day-time soap opera. Told through the point of views of three very different sisters, one dead, two very broken, "The Good Sister" explores grief, sisterhood, family, and love. I loved each of the characters. They were birth order stereotypes with real depth. Sarah, the titular "Good Sister" pieces together the story of her death in the afterlife while watching her family struggle with the loss of her. Her chapters are filled with poetry and a certain uneasiness that works so well. Rachel is the middle sister, full of jealousy for her "saintly" older sister and her wild child younger sister. Rachel uses boys to feel good about herself. Throughout the book she carries the heavy burden of watching her sisters death, and keeping the true details of it to herself. Asha is the youngest, wild, careless, and full of questions. How could her sister leave her like this? they were best friends. Some of the things Rachel tells her just don't add up. Asha spends most of her time sleeping in the park, drinking. and wallowing in her grief. All and all, "The Good Sister" is a good book. The fantastic writing almost makes up for the over stuffed plot that involves cancer, suicide, divorce, abusive relationships, and much much more.

"Impossible" by Nancy Werlin

The plot had me intrigued. Lucy Scarborough's family has been cursed for hundreds of years. Each Scarborough girl will have a daughter at age 18 and will promptly go mad after the birth unless they complete three impossible tasks within the folk ballad "Scarborough Fair". Great concept. Terrible, terrible execution. It's not often that I hate a book. "Impossible" is one of those few that I actually loathed so much I almost stopped. But it got so comically bad, I had to finish it. There is a demonic elf. There is a rape that is almost never addressed again. Lucy marries the boy next door and declares him her true love even though the amount of romantic tension between the two of them is about the same between Lucy and a rock in her front yard. The characters are all as flat as cardboard. There is no pacing, no tension, no reason to root for any of the characters. It also doesn't help that no one in the book actually believes 100% in the curse. They're mostly doing it as a precaution. I could go on and on about the terrible writing and plot holes, but I won't. I just leave you with this one warning, STAY AWAY.

The Rules of the Tunnel

I was first exposed to Ned Zeman's writing last September when he wrote a piece for Vanity Fair on Robin Williams' death and what it meant to lose a man who represented bipolar disorder, but may not have even had it. The story was elegant and I was intrigued by the angle he was going for. Next to Zeman's name on the bottom of the page, their was an ad for his 2011 memoir "The Rules of the Tunnel". Just this week I finally got around to reading it.

At first, I struggled to get attached. You see, "Rules" covers some pretty heavy subject matter. Zeman spent years severely depressed and eventually decided upon the "Treatment of Last Resort", ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). The treatment left him with severe amnesia, and this book was sort of a journalistic endeavor into the months missing from his memory. He approaches himself with a cold, cruel detachment, referring to himself in the second person throughout the entire book. At first it was irritating, but it actually added this unique touch that actually put me in his head for some of the worst of his manic and fugue states.

What I really loved about the book was the raw and honest approach to the entire ordeal. Zeman's writing style is simple, elegant, and at times oozing with self-loathing. I was struck by his willingness to "tell-all" about some very personal and embarrassing things that happened to him during this period of his life. Every failed relationship is carefully gutted and neatly displayed for the reader to judge. Cringe worthy emails to ex-girlfriends, blatant lies, and full out temper tantrums all coming from a man in his 40's. 

While he was doing ECT, Zeman was in the care of a handful of dedicated friends. His gratitude leaps off the page. My heart broke with each "I'm sorry," he had to write. He's blunt about his guilt. He knows his friends suffered in order to help him, but he also knows he wouldn't have been able to do it without them. 

All in all, I really enjoyed this book. It was intellectual, witty, and powerful. Zeman gives clinical depression a human touch that destigmatizes and informs while tugging at the far reaching corners of the heart. 

Dark Wash Denim Bossypants From The Gap

Where art thou, metaphorical denim suit??

At work the other day, I was reading my well worn copy of Tina Fey's Bossypants. It's sort of been my bible the last year or so, especially because the more I read it, the more of myself I see in her stories. In one essay, she talks about her first experience feeling like a "woman" not a girl. I am now searching for my metaphorical kick ass white denim suit that will make me feel like a powerful woman.

Anyway, I work at a golf course, so guys are always coming in and out of the clubhouse making small talk with me. I always get asked "What are you reading?" and when I showed this guy the cover he shouted, "Tina Fey! Tell me a joke. I bet you're funny!" I felt my face get hot and this weird shame creep up my neck. The guy laughed about making me blush and headed outside, but I was left there feeling dumb for no explainable reason.

So tonight I can't help but ask myself, why did his comment bug me so much? It's just a book for crying out loud. Maybe it's because I feel sort of stupid for loving her so much. Maybe I feel stupid because I not-so-secretly want to be her. (I actually just dyed my hair brown and with my glasses I look like a sickly, round faced version of Tina circa 1999. I kinda really like that.) But I actually just think it's because I replied to the golfer's "Tell me a joke! I bet you're funny!" with an awkward laugh and a strangled "Oh I'm not funny."

If you squint really hard, you can almost
maybe see a resemblance,

And that's when the shame kicked in, Because I wish I was funny. I always have for as long as I can remember. My sister has always been the funny one. When we were kids, she was obsessed with Chris Farely (the SNL love runs in our blood) and she used to do these hilarious impressions and characters. Even now, she's funny. She's that wild and free kind of funny that makes everyone want to be around her because with her, there's always fun. That's not really me. I was always too shy to be the goofy kid in class or even at home. I've always been laughing at the jokes, but never telling them. (See my earlier post about devouring books but being unable to write them.) I'm a consumer, an audience member. And deep down that really bothers me.

It bothers me that I tried to sit down and write a "comedy script" and it turned out like garbage after a million drafts and character bibles and outlines. It bothers me that I quit doing improv and taking theater classes because the fundamental rule of saying "yes and..." gave me nightmares. It bothers me that my creativity is limited to writing stuff about myself because that feels like a lame, vain, cop out.

So how do I fix it? I want to be funny and be able to write angry feminist prose that is also hilarious. (See Bossypants essays "All Girls Must Be Everything" and "Growing Up and Liking It") I suppose it's a bit early in my life to be getting so self critical. I haven't even been to college yet! Who know, maybe I can just reinvent myself and somewhere along the way I'll be funny in a way that satisfies me. Maybe a sense of humor is my white denim power suit, who knows?  For now I'll stick with self centered blogs about my existential crisis for all my family members to read and enjoy. Hi Mom!!

I will say before I go that Tina's book really has been life changing for me. It's nice to read essays from someone like me. A white girl from the suburbs that is prone to angry crying fits, is capable of horrible things (on her honeymoon, Tina's cruise ship caught on fire and her first thought was "It is going to be so sad when I run onto the lifeboats and leave my new husband to die."), and slipping into her bossypants when they are needed. She's a smart, intelligent, hilarious feminist and I am proud to call her one of my heroes.

Dear Mr. Letterman,

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm kind of obsessed with late night talk shows. That's something that started with you when I was much to small to be watching. I only knew you in your last half. (Post heart surgery, a lot more humble, but just as goofy as ever.) Watching you became a rare treat, something only reserved for Friday nights when sleep was the enemy and you were the prize. My first memory of watching your show is fittingly bizarre. I was five years old, cuddled against my father on the couch, and Alan was writing "ASS" is bright red lipstick across his forehead. As a brand new reader, I was shocked that bad words could be written down, let alone written on your face. It was shocking, it was revolutionary, and I laughed.

Your "Sink or Float" segment always made me happy when I got to see it. I felt like a genius when I, a small girl in a tiny Utah town sitting in my living room, up way past my bedtime, guessed right and you, with your name on the theater, were wrong. 

As I grew older, my love for late night expanded. I watched you more often, Mr. Letterman, and got to know your quirks and habits. My mother would always comment on your tie each night, my dad always interested in the musical guest. I was still just in wonder of it all. Once I could stay up late enough to finish an entire episode of Late Show I started staying up even later to catch Conan's monologues on Late Night, clueless that he was starring in a show that you built. 

I was completely clueless to your importance to comedy until I got much older. My mom and dad grew up watching Late Night. It was part of their childhood just like it was a part of mine. If it weren't for you, there would be no Conan O'Brien, no way for weirdos to get their chance to shine on television. 

Mr. Letterman, I graduated high school on Wednesday. While you were taping your final show, I walked across a different stage across the country into a new time in my life. Knowing that we were both having life changing afternoons made me feel at piece. We were both entering new chapters in our lives, together but very separate. I missed your final show to go to a graduation party, but at 11:35, I thought of you. The next morning I watched your final Top Ten List, and I cried. This morning, I saw pictures of your set in the dumpster, and I cried again. I've never known a world without your show. In elementary school, I used to wake up to my local radio station replaying your Top Ten List from the night before. For about four years, I woke up to your smarmy wit each morning. (Unfortunately, it didn't really rub off on me.)

Thank you, Mr. Letterman. My entire life you've made me laugh. You've been mentioned in my poetry. You've been the subject of my rambling comedic recaps over stryrofoam lunch trays at school. Thank you for being a key part of my 18 years. Thank you for being smart and weird and willing to push the limits of what's funny and what's stupid. Thank you for making my parents laugh. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for making me jealous of Biff because I wanted his job so badly. Thank you for having a show where Paul Shaffer wore wild suits and sunglasses and the Foo Fighters were honored guests.  But most of all, Mr. Letterman, thank you for changing television.

Sincerely,

Zoey (Future librarian, or future late night talk show writer, partially thanks to you.)

Top Ten

I've been writing book reviews for the last three years on my high school newspaper. Over the years, I've written 46 reviews. With graduation a week away, I've decided to pick my favorites from that long list and share them with you. These are books that made my laugh, cry, and think. Stories that broke me, saved me, and changed me. Each and every one of them is worth the read.

10) "The Life of Pi" by Yanni Martel

This book is a modern classic. A fantastical adventure at sea between a tiger named Richard Parker, and a scared scrawny teenage boy that kept me up all night turning pages. "Pi" is magical realism at it's finest. It's one thing to blend reality and fantasy in a way that feels organic and beautiful, but Martel does so much more. He asks the reader to make a choice between reality and make believe in the end. Do we believe in this wonderful journey we spent pages invested in, or do we believe the "truth"? This is a story I could totally write an extensive AP Lit essay about.

9) "The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender" by Leslye Walton

Three generations of women that are tragically unlucky in love. The Roux women are quick to find love, but also quick to find heartbreak. Tragedy seems to follow each generation like a curse, the most peculiar of which seems to be on Ava Lavender, who was born with brown, speckled wings. The novel explores Ava's family history and how their tragic love stories created her wings and her own personal tragedy. The prose is lovely and lyrical, but the pacing is intense, even heart pounding at times. It's a strange contrast that works so well here. I was completely spellbound, finishing the entire book in a matter of hours. Just thinking about it makes me want to reread it all over again.

8) "Fangirl" by Rainbow Rowell

It's not that often that I start a book and immediately want to scream "THAT'S ME!" after the first few chapters getting to know our main character. I saw my 11th grade self in Cather. She is shy and awkward in person, but vibrant in her writing. She prefers spending the evening in her dorm room, blasting Kanye West and dancing out her anxiety rather than facing the actual world. As the story progressed, I got to see the cracks in Cath's walls and I realized they were the same ones I had. The fear of meeting new people combined with the fear of being stuck alone forever. The desire for adventure and the desire to stay at home and protect her family. She feels all these emotions at war within her, and I can see myself. "Fangirl" is clever, witty, and romantic fun with the perfect dash of anxiety. It's an honest piece of realist fiction that combines real life and Internet culture seamlessly.

7) "Dr. Bird's Advice For Sad Poets" by Evan Roskos

Mental illness isn't always taken seriously. James Whitman's parents believe that his depression isn't real, that it's just a phase. They refuse to help him pay for the therapy he desperately needs, so he creates his own imaginary one, a pigeon named Dr. Bird. Full of Walt Whitman references, delusion, and hope, this book is a force to be reckoned with. I love quirky books with a dark side, stories that blend the weird with the bad is a strange hodgepodge of tragicomedy. "Dr. Bird" is an emotional roller coaster in the best possible way.

6) "Looking For Alaska" by John Green

Over the last few years, John Green has gained in popularity and become the king of contemporary YA, for better or for worse. He gets much more flack and praise than he deserves, honestly. "Alaska" is his first novel, and in my opinion, his best. It's about a shy boy's journey to someone who can stand on his own, It's about how sometimes the why  of the matter isn't as important as we perceive it to be. On the surface, Alaska appears to be the typical "Manic Pixie Dream Girl", but she's deeper than that.She's a twist on the entire idea, Green combines religious history, death, and his signature wit perfectly. None of his other books can really compare to this gem.

5) "The Silver Linings Playbook" by Matthew Quick

Junior year, I went on a Matthew Quick binge. He's got a gift for blending the weird and the raw in really unique stories. I had seen the "Silver Linings" movie starring Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, and I was obsessed! I devoured the book in a matter of days, and loved it in a completely different way. The book and movie are not even close to the same, and that's a really great thing. The movie paints all of the characters are more sympathetic, while in the book, Pat is so naive it's frustrating. It's one of those rare cases where the movie is equally as good at the book. This is because they exist as separate entities, Quick understands that visual storytelling is different that literary storytelling, and that's so important.

4) "Please Ignore Vera Dietz" by A.S. King

A.S. King is the queen of weird. I love all of her books, so choosing one to be part of this list was like choosing a favorite child.  (That's how making this entire list felt, actually.) I eventually decided on "Vera", because it's the one I related to the most. Destiny is a common thread in all of King's stories, Her characters are constantly trying to escape a seemingly predestined fate, repeating their parents' mistakes. In this novel, Vera must try to escape her destiny, deal with her best friend's violent death, and deal with her terrible habit of drinking vodka during her pizza delivery route. I've never seen myself so well in character that's nothing like me before. This is the story that started it all when it came to my love for King;s writing. I've read almost everything that she's written ever since. I have a feeling it will get you hooked too. 

3) "I'll Give You the Sun" by Jandy Nelson

Jandy Nelson's prose is like poetry. In her second book, she carefully crafts a beautiful, lyrical story about twins Jude and Noah. Noah is an aspiring artist, his chapters tell the story of his 13th year and the tragic events it lead up to. Jude is stiff and superstitious. She uses her grandmothers book of good luck to guide her in life. Her chapters follow the twins 16th year, post tragedy. Alternating sections weave together to create suspense, magic, and mystery. It's one of the most beautifully written novels I've ever read. Art, luck, tragedy, and true love. What more could you ask for?

 

2) "All the Bright Places" by Jennifer Niven

  As stated in a previous post, this book crushed my heart into pieces, but made also made me walk on air. Finch's character was not written, but sculpted. Each quirk, each beautiful piece of his soul comes from Niven's steady, masterful hand. This book is deeply personal to her and it shows. Mental illness is depicted real, raw, and stigma free. I can't recommend it enough. This story will suck you in, swallow you whole, and spit you out a completely different person. Please, PLEASE read this lovely story. It will change your life.

1) "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chwbosky 

The summer before my sophomore year, I read this sweet, strange little book. I saw myself in Charlie, a quiet outsider always looking in, until one night at a football game he befriends a group of seniors and begins the ride of his life. Punk rock, Rocky Horror, first loves, and a boy called Nothing all shape Charlie's freshman year. By the end of the novel, he's able to step out into the world and address the darkest parts of himself. He has a support system. He's learned to come out of his shell and step out of his comfort zone. My own high school experience sort of mirrors Charlie's. I was a wallflower for most of high school. Only this year, after being forced into classes that made me voice my opinion (thank you Mr. Kreitzer and Mr. Holt) and having to be a leader, I grew more comfortable in my own skin. "Perks" is required reading for everyone starting high school. It will open your eyes and show you that life can be infinite. All you have to do is open your eyes and jump in.

Driving Hazzard

For now, I'll stick to reading fiction instead of writing it. 
Picture credit to the fabulous Keely Johnson.

When I started writing, I was writing fiction. I have one terrible, 16 page screenplay and a handful of novel length fan fictions that are the result of my middle school zealous. Then I joined the newspaper and worked hard to sound like a journalist. I've spent so much time working with facts and keeping my voice fair and balanced that my creativity muscle has atrophied. Now the part of my brain that wrote fiction has short circuited. Then, today happened.

I was driving and singing to my Hedwig & The Angry Inch soundtrack at the top of my lungs as if I was Hedwig herself, a typical occurrence for me in my car. Inspiration struck. That piece of my brain started sparking and going just like it used to! I was dreaming up fictional characters while I was pretending to be Neil Patrick Harris! There was romance, self discovery, and depth! An actual plot line was bouncing in my head. It was miraculous. I rushed home, sat down with a notebook and tried to flesh it all out the best I could. But it was all gone.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Pretty much every time I play Broadway diva in the car, my brain tries to be John Green. The only solution, it seems, is to find some way to drive and write at the same time without dying. Alas, my writing process is a disaster waiting to happen. Victor Hugo wrote naked, Kafka did jumping jacks in the window in order to spark their creativity. Me? I still have to work out the major details in my creative process. So for now, I'll stick to nonfiction. It's a lot less dangerous and embarrassing. 

I long for a day when I'm no longer consuming great fiction, but writing it too. I analyze all the books I read, searching for what the writer has done right and what they've done wrong. But how fair can my reviews be if I can't write a decent piece of fiction without a full tank of gas and a scribe? I could write an entire essay on the importance of YA fiction, yet I have nothing to contribute to the genre myself. I see that as a terrible problem.

These Females are Strong as Hell

It's not often that you stumble across a TV show that's equal parts goofy, thought provoking, and hilarious. Tina Fey and her 30 Rock  partner in crime, Robert Carlock have achieved this and more with their Netflix Original, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. My spring break was spent giddily binge watching the entire first season, a magnificent combination of optimism and biting satire that makes Kimmy an addictive delight. The show follows the titular Kimmy Schmidt (Ellie Kemper), one of the "Indiana Mole Women" that were recently discovered after being trapped in an underground bunker for 15 years by a doomsday cult. After an appearance on the Today Show, Kimmy decides to start a new life in New York City and leave the last 15 years behind her.

Tina Fey is everything I want to be as a writer. 30 Rock has had me laughing so hard I've had tears in my eyes. Every word that comes out of Kenneth Parcel's mouth is a gift to us all. (But let's save the 30 Rock praise for another post. I could go on for ages.) Kimmy takes Fey and Carlock's satire into a different direction than their previous project. The humor is rooted in optimism and silliness, much like another favorite, Park's and Recreation. Despite her obviously horrible life, Kimmy just can't help but smile. After years of thinking the world was over, she's excited to become a part of it once again. 

The supporting cast is a colorful variety of egomaniacs, goofy Mid westerners, and one unfortunately named Vietnamese immigrant. Together they create a diverse, more grown up contrast to Kimmy's optimism. But her hope is infectious, and every episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt will leave you feeling like you can do just about anything in the world as that ridiculously catchy theme song rings in your ears.

A True Jovian-Plutonian Gravitational Effect Moment

For as often as I read, I rarely find a book that truly strikes me. Some stories blur together, not quite enough to actually say something, but not terrible enough to be forgotten. Last night I finished a book that left me sputtering, broken, and changed. "All the Bright Places" by Jennifer Niven has a premise that of course, appealed to me. Two teenagers fall in love in the ledge of a building during half thought out suicide attempts. They talk each other off the ledge in an awkwardly sweet exchange, making it unclear who saved who. Finch is a depressed, screwed up kid that just really wants to feel alive more than anything. Violet wishes she had never survived the car accident that killed her sister. After the ledge, these two fall in love in the most organic, beautiful way. This book wasn't written or composed. it was carefully crafted like a work of art. Niven seemingly carves these characters out of marble, each detail is intricate and important. From Finch's constant reinventions to Violet's hands shaking at the sight of bridges, these characters feel completely  and totally human. That takes incredible talent to be able to create a riveting story driven almost solely by character development than by a plot. Their romance isn't even the focal point of the story. At least, not really. It's about these two broken people falling in love, finding happiness in a sea of darkness all while growing as human beings. That's incredible hard to do.

"All the Bright Places" was a rare, magnificent addition to my library. I want to share this beautiful story for everyone. Jennifer Niven somehow managed to tell a truly human story about depression, love, and grief while still making it brilliantly witty with a pace that's almost electrically charged. It will make you weep, laugh, and float across the sky.

On Happy Endings

Last night I watched Mockingjay Part 1 with my family, and I found myself conflicted. I remember reading the book when I was 13, weeping over Peeta's fate, anxiously turning pages. By the time I finished the book, I was disgusted. I felt cheated, robbed of such a powerful ending with an epilogue. An epilogue that seemed to turn Katniss from a warrior into... I'm not sure what to call her. I understand the author's choice. She was trying to make the reader feel satisfied. This was a macabre/happy ending for such a dark book series. It was supposed to fit, wrap everything up in a bow, but still make us think. But it didn't. Not at all.

This was the first YA dystopian/sci-fi/fantasy series that had disappointed me with it's ending, and it certainly wasn't the last. In middle school I was enthralled by Percy Jackson & the Olympians. Myth, mystery, action, love, and death. It ended almost perfectly, until the author added a cliffhanger that lead to a new series that ultimately fell flat. Sure, Heroes of Olympus added magnificent character development, as well as new characters to the PJO cannon, but the last book was such a train wreck I still don't know how I feel about it. You can't spend five books building up to a great battle that only lasts about five pages. After finishing The Blood of Olympus, I realized that the final installment of a book like that needs, well, blood. Sure, it hurts to lose beloved characters, but their loss reminds you that there's actually something at stake in the story.

Which brings me to my next point, Harry Potter. How can you not love these magical books? In Deathly Hallows we lose so many characters it physically aches. (Fred...Dobby...HEDWIG) But each death raises the stakes. They make us as a reader realize that nobody is safe from Voldemort and his evil. Not even a pet owl. And the scene at the end, where Harry confront Voldemort and offers him forgiveness and redemption... that is a powerful piece of literature my friends. Our whole vision of so many characters is turned inside out. But again, we end in an epilogue. This one is better, it doesn't tell us much except for who marries who, and that Harry has terrible sense when it comes to naming his youngest son. My only problem with this ending, is that J.K. won't let the ending die. She keeps teasing us with "exclusives" on Pottermore that are basically the epilogue restated, yet we eat it up. It's not a satisfying ending if it never actually ends, you know?

Contemporary YA, is a different story. They're not tied down by series arcs and the rules of a world they created. They're following the rules we already have, and they're doing something magical with it. John Green refuses to tell us what happens to Hazel Grace after The Fault in Our Stars. He says it defeats the whole purpose of the book, and I love that. He's trying to make us think. It ends on a happy note, but in the end, we know the end. Eleanor & Park ends with a postcard addressed to Park with three words written on it. We never find out! The possibilities are endless here, and the author says she knows the answer. But she won;t tell us, because the words are not the point. She wants the reader to ask themselves, "What did Eleanor write? Why do I care what she wrote?" When a book makes you feel something, makes you see the world in a new light after you shut it, that's when an ending is satisfying. "Happily Ever After" endings can't really do that. Sure, you feel warm and fuzzy, but are you seeing the world differently?

I want to read books that challenge me. I want to read stories from authors that trust me enough to break my trust.

hello there

Hi again, Internet.

I'm an aspiring journalist and pop culture enthusiast. I love reading YA fiction and watching weird indie movies and funny TV shows. I made this blog so I could write all my weird ideas down and share them with whoever wants to read. Expect lots reviews. Books, movies, TV, etc. Some feminist rants and teenage angst. Stories from my life, stories that I wish were my life. Just expect a big mess of whatever I'm thinking.

Read if you dare,

Z