The Rules of the Tunnel

I was first exposed to Ned Zeman's writing last September when he wrote a piece for Vanity Fair on Robin Williams' death and what it meant to lose a man who represented bipolar disorder, but may not have even had it. The story was elegant and I was intrigued by the angle he was going for. Next to Zeman's name on the bottom of the page, their was an ad for his 2011 memoir "The Rules of the Tunnel". Just this week I finally got around to reading it.

At first, I struggled to get attached. You see, "Rules" covers some pretty heavy subject matter. Zeman spent years severely depressed and eventually decided upon the "Treatment of Last Resort", ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). The treatment left him with severe amnesia, and this book was sort of a journalistic endeavor into the months missing from his memory. He approaches himself with a cold, cruel detachment, referring to himself in the second person throughout the entire book. At first it was irritating, but it actually added this unique touch that actually put me in his head for some of the worst of his manic and fugue states.

What I really loved about the book was the raw and honest approach to the entire ordeal. Zeman's writing style is simple, elegant, and at times oozing with self-loathing. I was struck by his willingness to "tell-all" about some very personal and embarrassing things that happened to him during this period of his life. Every failed relationship is carefully gutted and neatly displayed for the reader to judge. Cringe worthy emails to ex-girlfriends, blatant lies, and full out temper tantrums all coming from a man in his 40's. 

While he was doing ECT, Zeman was in the care of a handful of dedicated friends. His gratitude leaps off the page. My heart broke with each "I'm sorry," he had to write. He's blunt about his guilt. He knows his friends suffered in order to help him, but he also knows he wouldn't have been able to do it without them. 

All in all, I really enjoyed this book. It was intellectual, witty, and powerful. Zeman gives clinical depression a human touch that destigmatizes and informs while tugging at the far reaching corners of the heart.